Things that Matter - Week#1

Okay kids - this week we are getting a 2 for 1 - I have to take a moment and talk about things that matter - and then I will get along to Bliss on a Budget. Bear with me this first one is a long one.

Things that Matter #1 - Responsibility Matters/Making Men out of Boys

I spent his last few days with Keaton. Keaton or now as he is referred to Squad Leader Private First Class Light upon the occasion of his graduation from Basic Training. What a tremendous sight watching all those soldiers march in perfect rhythm into the hall, with spectacular cadence. I was immediately filled with a sense of overwhelming pride - like I had made it as a mother - but really Keaton did it - and he did it in spectacular fashion. He was only 1 of 3 men out of the whole Battalion who was promoted. A battalion is around 240 men.


Most of the mothers, fathers, and girlfriends where sitting in the audience straining and reaching to find their boy - many did not have much luck - as the transformations were so extreme that they could not find the kid that they sent off to the military. I could see Keaton immediately standing straight and tall and full of pride and patriotism.

To take you back a bit this transformation is quite a drastic one - Keaton was a overweight, couch loving, video game playing, food enthusiast, and pacifist. He did not like to hurt anyone and frankly - I don't know if he would relish the thought of hurting anyone now.

Keaton was my surprise, my one-night stand, holy cow I'm pregnant, with no one to even think about marrying surprise. When I found out I was pregnant - I was scared to death - I could have an abortion but then people might find out about that (Thanks Jenn Hawkins Pixton - for her words of wisdom about that) I could put him up for adoption - but that seemed too hard - if I was going to go through the whole being pregnant and giving birth- I needed something to show for it.

My friends and family where slightly shocked that I was keeping this baby - "Jenn" they would say - "You don't even like kids, you never babysit, kids scare the hell out of you" and they were 100% right. I had only changed a diaper 1 time in my life, and I must admit there was some vomit that in sued. To this day - I can't stand kids - my kids of course are the exception - and I have limited nieces and nephews I like - but other peoples children in general are dreadful (no offense) but I had something that most unwed, single moms, with no job and no prospects had - A wonderful supportive family, and friends - who all acted like this pregnancy with something of our own little miracle and everyone would pull together to raise this child.


When I was in the hospital 23 of my friends came to visit me - and maybe another 20 family members -When Keaton was born I looked into his eyes and it was love at first sight - We have been best friends ever since.

Cut to Keaton's Graduation from High School -When Keaton graduated from high school - he and I had to go out and buy him an outfit to graduate with - This was a bit of a chore because Keaton had something like a 42 inch waist - and that was really squeezing him in - and a 2XLT shirt - which for this occasion ended us looking like a Tommy Bahama ripe off - and the whole ensemble had to be purchased from the Big and Tall store. (we still visit that store, because James has a 36 inseam for his pants and arms that 36/37) Keaton graduates from high school - gets registered for the University of Utah - and mom, James, Patcee, and Tim all breath a sigh of relief - "he is going to college - all is well in the universe"

Our deal with Keaton was - he could live at home rent free, we would help pay for college if he did 2 things. 1-Apply for at least 2 scholarships a week. James had given him a website that had 1000's of scholarship a week posted for money for school. (we didn't even care if he won any of them - he just had to apply) 2- He needed to save enough money from his part time job - to be able to pay for his books every semester. At the end of the first Quarter - Keaton had done pretty good in school I think all A's with a B, but he had failed to save any money for books, and had not applied for even one scholarship. As you can imagine there was some promising to do better - and "I will keep my commitment this time mom, I promise"

As Keaton's mother, and one of his best confidants I so wanted to just believe him and continue to help him go to school - but after a few arguments with James we came to to conclusion that it was time for some tough love - So with that, I sat down Keaton and we had the following conversation:

"Keaton - guess what - you blew it - I am not mad at you - I am just disappointed and worried about you. You don't have to go to college - You don't have to do anything - You are a grown man - and today is the day you get to take that leap - So today is Nov 2008 - as of right now - You need to find a job that pays your bills and you need to move out. You have until Dec 1st. Good Luck - I know you can do it."


As you can imagine Keaton was stunned and hurt - how could I kick him out - what was he going to do. He immediately got a little huffy puffy and called his friends who could not believe that Keaton's "cool mom" was doing this to him. He made some statement like "I will be out in a few days" and promptly got in a car with his buddies and left.

A wonderful thing happened then - Keaton became a man. Without a car - with limited funds and a job that didn't make much money - he figured it out. First step - Get a job with UPS - He had heard that they have tuition payback - and so he figured if he wanted to go to school he better get with a company that was going to pay for that. After several interviews he got the job and began working at UPS. Taking the bus and train to and from work every day - No car for him! This was one of the hardest day's of my life (snob alert - I am going to come off as a big one here) because he had no car - he asked me to take him to his first day on the job. If you have ever seen the movie Joe vs the Volcano - that is exactly what it is like. It's shift work - and everyone there is there because this is as good as life gets. All the men and boys walking into the UPS plant looked down at there shoes and shuffled, they had, had all the life and joy beaten out of them. And here was my smart brilliant boy joining their ranks - All I could hear in the back of my head was that song:

You load sixteen tons and what to you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

St. Peter don't you call me cause I can't go

I sold my soul to the company store

Needless to say - I cried all the way home and James had to keep assuring me that "hard work" never killed anyone - and it would all be alright.

UPS is a hard place to work on the line - You move 2000+ boxes every night, and you do it without music - So you are alone with your thoughts and your aching body. But somehow Keaton survived - he lost some weight - his arms got huge - and he started taking pride in how his "line" and "trucks" moved every night. Then he had enough money to take a class at the U and also to move out. ( Jackson was furious at me for "kicking" Keaton out of the family) He was a man with a plan - work at UPS long enough to get tuition payback - and also start the ROTC program at the U. The ROTC program at the U is hard for a 300 pound 6.3 man - who although his arms are in shape the rest of his body looked like the Pillsbury dough boy - So every morning at 5:30 am- Keaton was out the door up to the U having commanders run him several miles a day up streets called "Satan's Hill" - most days he would throw up, sometime during the run, but he was determined to make his goals. He also had to pass push-up and sit-ups - more bouts of throwing up!

In January of 2010 he was down to about 250 pounds and had been told he was in line for a scholarship with the ROTC program. But then a terrible thing happened. The commander of the ROTC program at the U - had promised more kids money then he had money for - So "Keaton although we love how hard you work and how far you have come - sorry - We don't have any money for you" - "About that time - UPS in a effort to cut back it's expenses did away with the tuition program as well" All that work - and there was to be no money for Keaton to go to school. Keaton was completely devastated - He came home and sat down on my bed and cried for a bit and said - "Mom what am I going to do" - Enter James (stepdads are good for something)

My question to Keaton was - "Keaton did you want to serve, or did you want to go to school." Keaton without giving a moments thoughts said "Mom first and foremost - I want to serve, but I also want to go to school" With that information I called James - who called his old buddy whom he used to room with back in his single days. Greg Koyle.(I am sure he has a grandiose title but I don't know it) Greg was in charge of ARMY recruiting for Utah. And by the very next day - he had an appointment for Keaton, James and I to sit down and find out the whole deal.

That meeting was slightly comical - they kept trying to sell us - and we kept trying to just sign up. From there you take tests and find out what the army thinks you would be a good fit for - and that is when we got a bigger shock - Keaton scored 98 out of 99 and his test - with the highest score they had seen in a while relative to being an officer, and having leadership. He was thrilled and we were thrilled and with that in February he took the oath and became a member of our nations military.

Keaton will now spend the next year or so in Monterrey, CA learning Farsi - as a member of military intelligence. When he completes his training he will have the equivalent of a associated degree - and then he will complete the ROTC program while getting his bachelors degree. His weight is down to 220 - so within 1 and 1/2 years - he has lost 100 pounds, gained a career, is serving our country, and has been become a "good man" and that is probably the most important part.

Things that Matter - Moral of the Story

1- Let your kids take responsibility for their actions - this serves them far more than anything you can do for them. They will become their true character.

2- Stand -up for the national Anthem - Sing from your toes, put your hand over your heart - even if you are watching it on TV - appreciate the sacrifice that our soldiers are making - take a moment to be reverent - this is our flag, this is our country, and this is the freedom that we enjoy because of people who are serving and have served - This means something.

3- Support your kids in doing the hard things - The hard things build character, leadership, and bravery - and that is what we need more than anything these days.

And with that - I am off my soap box - still a little weepy about my oldest son the solider!