Things that Matter #2 - Dinner Matters

This is another 2 for 1 week. So I will write my Things that Matter and then I will head over and give you Bliss on a budget.

I come from a family that had family dinner every single night of the week at 6:00 pm sharp. I think the reason for dinner being at that time - was my father got off work at about 5:30 pm every night, he would get in his little blue Porche, and drive the 10 - 15 minutes home and walk in the side door, over to my mother who was making last minute preparations for dinner and give her a hug and a kiss - Depending on what she was doing - this would irritate her a little - like "Tim, I am just finishing up....," and with that we would all settle in and have family dinner.

Because there were only 4 of us in the family we each would have our set jobs for dinner. Either my sister or I were setting the table, clearing the table, doing the dishes or putting them away. There is a wrong and right way to set a table and I can tell you we both now how to do it the "right" way. In fact when I am seated at a restaurant - especially one that gives you utensils wrapped up in a napkin - the first thing I do is unwrap them and put everything including my glass where it goes.
It did not matter if it was winter or summer (when often times we were out playing with kids in the neighborhood - when my mother would walk out the front door and yell - "Jennifer - time to come in for dinner") and although I may be mid play - I knew this was non negotiable - it was time for dinner.

We had a main dish, a vegetable, and a starch of some sort every night. My mother is brilliant when it comes to presentation - so everything on the plate complimented each other - even the color of the food and plates. There was also music that matched the food or season on the small stereo in the kitchen to provide ambiance. Now I know that this sounds very Norman Rockwell - and maybe it was, but just the same we had dinner as a family every night, around the table, regardless of who was in a bad mood, what was on TV, etc. I will say that with this exception - if there was a Christmas special on, or the yearly Sound of Music viewing - we did get to eat in the Family Room - but that was truly a special occasion.

Now - I will tell you this - it was not always pretty - I was an extremely difficult teenager (my parents will tell you this is an understatement)- and felt the need to argue about absolutely everything - So many of the nights around the table where spent with me arguing about nothing important - that at the time I thought was a matter of principle - just because I wanted to win. In fact, to give you an idea of how hard I was - about 2 years ago James, the kids, and I went to dinner at my parents house, and we started having a discussion about a movie that my mother was adamant that my children not see.

I got slightly heated and was going through all the reasons I am anti censorship, parenting by committee, etc. When I looked around and James and the kids had left the house - My parents and I found them outside sitting in the car waiting for me. James was under the impression that my parents and I were having an intense fight. We (Tim, Patcee, and I) could barely contain our laughter - because this was nothing in comparison to me as a kid. But for James that is the most heated he had ever seen me.

Dinner at our house growing up was also a time of tremendous laughter - there would be something that would strike us just right, and we would laugh, and laugh, until we could hardly breath. But regardless of whether it was a hard night, or a lovely night - We had that stable ritual of dinner, that gathering of our family, the dinner table foundation, and family. I now look back at that time with some slight awe. How had my mother done this. Dinner every night together around a table - Are you kidding me - I can barely get groceries in my house.

But I will say this - we (James and I)have been trying to have dinner at least once a week, as a family, without TV to give us a chance to stop, enjoy the company, look and talk to our children. The preparation alone gives me time to hear all about Kennedy's day, and Jackson will come in and tell me all about his escapades. Dinner around the table is special, it is important, especially sans TV. It is even more important when you have two working parents - full time - who struggle to do more then walk in the house at the end of the day and collapse in a heap on the floor.

Here are some tips for family dinner. Get out the good plates. What are you waiting for? Who could be more important then your family? Teach your children the right way to set a table - Manners Matter, and make sure at dinner you set the expectations that we will be using our best manners. I can not stress this point enough - it will effect them in a job interview, it will help them when they are dating, it tells the people in "real life" who they are eating with more then anything they say. It is a reflection on you as a parent. Don't rush - take your time - that's why God invented Tivo. The game, the homework, the thing that is more important - will wait.

Have real conversation - Don't ask - How is school going - you will get answers like "okay" - Don't ask what are you studying - that will also be vague - and it also tells your children that you really don't want to talk about anything important. Why not ask something like - What are you most grateful for today? What do you think about where we should go on vacation this year? Your children will have to stop and think and give you an answer. And don't accept "I don't know" - answer back - "If you did know - what would it be" they will come up with something.

Dinner Matters - and Doing Dinner "Right" Matters - For the following reasons:

1- Your family will be closer because of this time and form real relationships.

2- Your children will be able to have dinner with others and make conversation.

3- You will be raising children that understand etiquette, manners - and those children are the type other people like to be around.

4- Your children will be able to serve a dinner when they grow up.


Now - go plan a family dinner and turn off the TV and talk to each other - you may enjoy yourself. - Back off my soap box!