The Transformation of Jorri :Cinderella, Evil Step Mothers & Dalycia LaFosse

If you haven't seen Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day; you really must go out and rent it right now!!! It came out around 6 years ago, and once I saw it, it became one of my top movies off all time. It is one of those movies that speaks to my soul. For I can't help but put myself in movies, in this one I am both Dalycia Lafosse, and Miss Pettigrew. Depending on how you know me or the role I am playing in any given day you will probably identify me as one of the characters as well. I immediately went home grabbed my girls and took them to see the movie as well.  That day neither of them identified with a role in the film, but I know at least Jorri aspired to and I would imagine that they both do now.

 When I met Jorri she was an awkward, overweight, 9 year old with two parents doing the best they could. She has a wonderful resilient mother who had just recently been remarried, after a divorce, several moves, a slightly unpredictable ex, and several years of being a single parent to two daughters that she loves dearly! At the time she was doing her best to also combine a new family with 2 other step kids thrown into the mix.  James on the other hand was a 7 year bachelor with a steady stream of living by the seat of his pants, girlfriends, roommates, moves, job changes, and drama of his own.

I think we can all agree that Jorri was loved, is loved, up one side and down the other. But she was dealing with her own challenges. I was one of those challenges!!  The first time I met Jorri I was on my best behavior, and she, hers. This is a terrible place, best behavior land, because you really don't know who you are getting. I actually went to church with she and James (that tells you everything you need to know) we were able to skate out right after sacrament meeting, while she happily went off to primary. James and I went to a book store and browsed the books, killing time. I found a book about Fairies; it was a large coffee table size book. With a price tag of $40. Apparently that was a lot of money at the time, it wasn't to me. So I bought it for her. As you can imagine she was thrilled!!

Success!! I thought to myself, she was purchased for the low, low price of $40. To say this was absolutely delusional would be a gigantic understatement. Jorri was by far one of the most difficult children in the world for me. She had a culture all her own, and needless to say, it wasn't mine. Jorri was the pickiest eater on the planet; she had been existing on a steady stream of fast food. She was living on French fries and processed chicken nuggets. She was afraid of everything, I mean everything!! Water, Rides at Disneyland, Movies, being alone, the dark, hot dogs, essentially anything that was new. I spent the first 4 years trying to Jenn-erize her. She resisted.

My Jenn-erizing took many forms. There was her style, polar opposite to mine. If I loved black classic and sleek, she loved crazy blue, bright pink and purple. There was food.  I would push her to try new things and she would sit hour after hour at the table and pick a tiny bite at a time, and then give us a dramatic gagging scene. There were chores at our house, my children understanding the "right" way to do everything. She was on what I can only call “Jorri standard time" which is very, very slow, and unaware of how you are affecting the group. She was quite literally being transformed all right!!She was turning into Cinderella and I was absolutely the wicked step mother!

This went on for almost 5 years. She could not be bought, or reasoned with, and only some of my hostage techniques, or bribery worked. Worst yet it took its toll on her relationship with her dad. James loves Jorri as big as love is!! He was always trying to get her to come down to Utah and spend time with us, and I was always acting supportive, but we all were secretly uneasy about whatever battle would come out of the visit. Believe me, there was always a battle. And for the record, they were 100 percent my fault!! I was completely evil and manipulative. I was trying to constantly control my environment. That included Jorri, I wanted her to buy in, to "get it", but no matter how I dressed it up, or forced it down, she remained Jorri.

Now - I don't want to paint an inaccurate picture. It's not like Jorri didn't grow and change and adapt, and even begin to assimilate to the "Jenn" way. But never fully and never fast enough for me. Also, let it be known that throughout this whole time, I was never dealing with a terrible child. She never did anything bad. She was, in fact, the opposite, she was too good!! It drove me crazy. She basically was lovely and sweet, and was always kind to everyone, and gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. She saw the sweet, she thought the best of, and she was, in my world weak.

Weak is the flip side of my coin! I hate feeling weak, so when I sense weak, I am like a heat seeking missile to destroy, or improve. I really can't help myself. I give people two choices - you can either become strong, or I must rid you from my life. It is something I struggle and fail with all the time.  Well, kids are not something you rid yourself of, and so we went round and round and round. It was exhausting. I was exhausted, James was exhausted. I know Jorri was not only exhausted but confused and hurt. For she was trying too, trying to break the code of Jenn, and just when she thought she had it, I would want more, expect more, round and round and round.

I am not sure when it changed. But it did. I began to see her. I began to see how difficult being weak from time to time was for her, how often her kindness would be taken for granted and her heart broken, broken by people she loved dearly. I changed. Because I found that I knew how that felt. I think we all know how that feels. Heartbroken is a universal feeling and for Jorri and me it was common ground. Can I just tell you what a relief common ground is!!!

We became buddies, not call each other every day buddies, but I get you and you are starting to get me buddies. So when we were together we appreciated each other more. It's not like I stopped pushing and pressing her, and it's not like she suddenly was fully Jenn-erized but, we just got easier.

This last August on the way to the beach for our annual trip, we had stopped for the night in Sacramento. That night, with the girls in their hotel room and us in ours, we heard a knock at the door at 4:00 in the morning. It was Jorri's friend Hannah - "Jorri is in trouble, come quick" we walked in and found Jorri moaning and balled up. Another kidney stone courtesy of James and his genetic side of the equation. We acted quickly grabbing Jorri and heading to the nearest Emergency room. To be honest, I was mad!

I was mad because this was happening again. We had spent a good deal of time, money, and pain the summer before on kidney stones. And I was just sure this was going to ruin the trip we had spent a small fortune on. Mad because I was awake at 4:00 am -no coffee, not wise. And mad mostly because Jorri had not taken the warnings of her doctors the year before seriously and had put on weight, not drinking enough water, not taking care of her diet, and here we were about to spend at least hundreds of dollars in the ER again!! I was worried this would happen every year the rest of her life, and that was not okay with me. No one should go through that!

So, at 4:15 am, in the Sutter Hospital ER with a woman who was being guarded by police screaming at the top of her lungs in the room next door, Jorri, James, and I had a serious talk! We laid it down. This kind of life was unacceptable; we loved her and cared about her too much for this to happen anymore. She had to take control of her diet, her weight and her life. We would provide her any resources she needed. We would be her life support team, but she needed to own it. She needed to decide that her life would not be like this!! I 'm not sure if is it was the kidney stone, or the hard discussion, but tears were shed, agreements made, and we all 3 left the hospital that morning determined that this would not be her life!

Cut to last weekend, Jorri had auditioned and been selected to be a featured soloist at the Jazz Band fundraiser, her show choir was performing as well. So James and jumped in the car and went up to Pocatello to see her sing. This fund raiser is a very fun concept. They serve dinner in one section and have auction items in the other section, and then have the jazz band performing in the center - like Dinner theater with a dance floor.

We walked in unsure what to expect when suddenly there was Jorri all smiles, and confidence twirling around and hugging us with joy and happiness. We almost didn't recognize her; 25 pounds lighter both inside and out. She was simply lighting up the room. Long gone was that awkward girl, who was trying to find her place - a confident beautiful lady with a voice in her place. When she took the stage to sing, a giant cheer rose from the crowd and the dance floor immediately filledfor her jazz solo, and later it filled up again for her up tempo - It don't mean a thing if you ain't got that swing - she owned the micro, the room and our hearts. I was looking at her and thinking - When did Jorri Become Dalycia LaFosse ?- But she was her, and it was amazing, confident, and magical.

Later that evening her proud, puffed up dad James was able to dance with her during one of the last numbers that evening. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched them 2 step on the dance floor. Radiant Jorri Beaming Dad. Like a fairy tale from one of those books she loved. I felt proud. Knowing full well all the credit was hers. She had made it out of being “Jenn” ed I love Jorri, all of her – From the top of that blonde head to the tips of her tapping toes!! And at least in this story – They all lived happily ever after – Even the evil step mother – me J

Jenn, James, and the Mexican (Possibly Imaginary) Sharks

#sharks #jaws #vacation #adventure #cancun #mexico

Would it be a Vacation if there wasn't a little Adventure?

It must be said that this isn't my fault. Tim and Patcee are completely to blame!! When I was 5 years old the movie "Jaws" came out in theaters. We had just recently moved to Utah from Northern California and my parents really wanted to see the movie. I don't know if they could not find a sitter or if they were just young parents who didn't think it through, but they loaded me up in the car, with a baby mattress in the back seat and all sorts of blankets and pillows to make my spot comfortable in the car and they took me to a double header at the Drive-In movie.

You remember Drive-In movies they were the best if you had children who might get bored or not sit still in a regular movie theater. Most Drive In's even had playground equipment at them. My mom would make some popcorn, and grabs some red vines and the three of us would happily go see the latest show. When we lived in California we would even stop by Jack-in-the-Box and pick up dinner before.  I loved that part because they always gave me a sucker and a balloon with my meal.

Well on this night they were playing Jaws at the Drive-In. I was still having a difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that we had moved to a place that didn't have an ocean. I had spent almost every single weekend of my whole little 5 year old life at the beach, my dad was an avid surfer - Utah didn't even have a lake with proper sand. So this night when I realized that this movie was about the ocean, my little eyes were glued to the screen. I think it may have been the first movie in my life that I paid complete attention too. My parents thought I would get bored and fall asleep - I was riveted!! Prior to this movie I didn't even know what a shark was, but now and forever more, the damage was done - I was scared to death of them!

I did continue to get in the ocean, mostly now just once or twice a year when we went on vacation. But it did take particular concentration on facing my fear. I had to tell myself little stories like "Come on Jenn, what is the likelihood the shark will eat you? There are so many other people in the water and they are out farther than you" the logic being - Sharks are lazy and will eat what is nearest. What??!! I also had one more Shark experience that re-enforced my fear.

We were on vacation and I was about 11. That year we had driven down to San Diego from LA to go to Sea World. I loved Sea World the shows were amazing and interesting and you got to see Dolphins and Killer Whales up close, and the day was really fun. One of the attractions there was the shark tank. They had all different types of sharks swimming in a tank which was like a large cylinder. Most of the action was happening down underground in the thick glass that would allow you to go from tank to tank and look at the sharks.

There was one tank that caught my eye and I had been standing there for a while watching a Bull Shark watch me. I was just sure the shark was watching me. It was swimming in a circle and looking straight at me every time it would make another round. "Dad!" I said slightly concerned "That shark is looking at me!" "Jenn" he replied "Don't be silly, that shark is not looking at you." "Yes, yes, yes he is" I assured my father. Just then the shark came around for the final time, and with full force charged the glass hitting it hard! I jumped nearly out of my skin, tripping over people as I scampered back away from the glass. There was a park employee nearby that ran over and assured me I would be okay, the glass wasn't going to break, and his theory was that the shark was interested in me because I was wearing a red shirt. It didn't matter why, I was even more convinced, it was me against them!

Okay- Cut to last week. Jackson's grandparents had decided to take him on a Caribbean cruise (Saint Kitts, Puerto Rico, Haiti, etc.) for his 11th birthday. Spoiled Much? So James and I who never had a real honeymoon decided now was the time to take our own little vacation. Cancun looked like it fit the bill perfectly and we booked ourselves 5 days in paradise. When we talked about going, all I wanted to do was relax, and maybe see the Mayan Pyramids. James' one request was to go snorkeling.  When we got to the hotel it was beautiful, it was paradise and as if by some miracle years of stress and worry literally melted away. We actually felt lighter.

We decided to spend the first day at the hotel, and then the 2nd as well. We were having a hard time mustering the gumption to do anything but what people do on a romantic vacation, along with sleep, and eat, and swim and soak and sleep some more. Finally we decided we needed to do an actual activity that was native to the region. So we went to the concierge type place on property and booked an excursion. Truthfully we booked two, but we never made it to the 2nd one.

Our choice was a guided jungle cruise on which each couple would get their own little ski boat to drive.  Once you had toured the "jungle" you would then drive out to the open ocean and rendezvous with a guide who would then take you out to snorkel on the giant reef that was several hundred yards off the shoreline. James and I were super excited but as we woke up the following morning the weather had taken a turn. A storm was brewing. We both were slightly bummed out because we were just sure that the company would cancel due to the weather. Hoping the storm would pass we made our way off property and over to where we were start our adventure.

When we got to the Marina the place was nearly empty except for the workers. Looking back maybe that should have been a sign. There were us, and another couple from Iowa. They were younger; she was tall, slim, blonde, really pretty and very worried about the weather. He just wanted to make her happy. So as we sat there waiting for our guide and instructions we chatted with them. She was fretting and I started doing what I always do. I started selling her. "No, no this will blow over, it will be fine, blah, blah, blah"- she decided they would go too.

But here is the deal, it didn't blow over, it blew in, and as we loaded into our little 15 foot ski boat that was being held together with duct tape - the waves started getting bigger and bigger - and they proceeded to do that as James drove the boat out of the marina. Apparently Mexican jungle cruises don't cancel or postpone for squalls in the weather. 5-6 foot swells with driving rain, the kind that hits your skin and stings a little. We had to keep our sunglasses on to prevent it from hurting our eyes, and allowing them to stay open to see what was coming next. James takes this opportunity to tell me he hasn't driven a boat since he was about 15. He is 41. I have been driving boats of one type or another my whole life , so as you can imagine this caused me immediate concern, and if we are being perfectly honest - I started planning my strategy for how I was going to survive and get back to shore when the boat flipped or sank.

James was actually doing a really good job following the guide boat and letting him give us a smoother wake to navigate through. But at this point the weather cranks it up a notch. The rain is coming down in what I can only describe as per-hurricane, and neither of us has windshield wipers on our sunglasses. Trying to break the tension I looked up at the sky and said "You call this a storm!!!" in my most Lieutenant Dan voice and giggle, James laughs too, and tells me how much the other couple hates us right now. The weather continues to worsen as our little boat is smashing against the waves and rain is coming down in a stinging downpour but there is no turning back now. We follow as James yells at me over the roar of the boat, ocean, and storm - "Jenn, I can't see, I can't see" Between the storm and his contacts which have stopped working he is officially been turned into the white Stevie Wonder- So I take off my glasses and try to give him the best verbal directions I can on how to stay up with our guide, who seems to have no concern at all for our safety.

After what seems like a 3 hour tour, we make it to the open ocean and somehow rendezvous with our guide. He has anchored his boat to a buoy and then tied our boat and the other couples boat to each other. She is absolutely glaring at me and declares, she is not getting in the water - again he just wants to please her, so they just sit in their boat and try to stay warm.  James and I have been through hell to get here, so if the guide is getting in the water, we are getting in the water!! It's time to snorkel!!

As we jump in the water with our fins, masks, and air hose thingy’s - The water warms us immediately - This is much better than the death trap they call a boat, and we are maybe 300 yards off shore at the tip of the peninsula - so I am feeling much better about everything. There is another group from a different marina maybe 50 yards away, and one of the women is screeching loudly about a shark. The guide turns to me and says in broken English - "Listen, you see the shark, don't freak out, be calm, the shark go away, just be calm" This pep talk had the opposite effect on me, but I am determined to be brave "okay, got it" I say. The little voice says in my head - "the shark will probably eat that lady - she is making so much noise."

So me, James and our guide start to snorkel around the reef. The guide has been doing this his whole life, and so he is moving through the strong currents with the ease of a fish. I am a swimmer, so I am holding my own and enjoying myself gliding through the reef following the fish - It surprised me we could see everything blue and alive, fish darting in and out, and all manner of beautiful and strange creatures on the reef. I was having a ball following the guide. James was having fun too, puttering around at a much slower pace, because he is not a swimmer, so his kick was slapping the water with the fins. I decided to swim over to him and offer to teach him to kick properly but he was enjoying himself and in no particular hurry to get anywhere quickly. So we parted and I explored around with the guide and he went his merry way.

At one point we were all in the same area as the guide pointed out a statue that was under water, he told his there was another one about 100 yards away if we wanted to see it. Yes, we agreed and off we swam to the buoy that marked where it was. I was their within a few minutes. But James was taking forever, so for a while, I just held onto buoy and floated on my back waiting for him to arrive, but eventually I was tired of holding on, and so I let go of the buoy, and without even feeling it, I started to just drift, when I finally looked back I was about 15 yards from the buoy. I decided to swim back, but when I turned over to do that I was directly on top of the reef. I panicked, looking side to side, trying to figure out, how I was going to get off. The best thing I could think of was that I would reach down and grab a portion of the reef, and use it to pull myself forward hard enough that I would be off it enough, to kick off.

As I reached down a large wave pushed me down, and instead of grabbing it with my hand, my wrist, and several spots on my right leg were propelled directly down on the reef, putting several gashes everywhere it touched me. Ocean reefs are sharp, and this one had just shredded my wrist, and cut up my leg. The guide noticed I was in trouble and a large hand came across the only place to grab me and pulled me hard off the middle of the reef. I came up for air, and looked at my wrist - it was bleeding pretty badly. I looked at the guide and said "I'm bleeding" the fear raising up in my voice, and every single shark week I had ever watched on the discovery channel racing through my head. "We need to get out of the water now" he says.

The adrenaline was absolutely pumping through my body at full tilt. I am 200 yards from the boats. I start to swim as fast as I have ever swum in my life. I am in that moment Michael Phelps. I have stopped breathing altogether - My whole body is just propelling me forward to the boat - When I get to the boat all my strength is gone. I can't pull myself out of the water. The guide make it there a few minutes later, jumps on the back of the boat comes around and with a combined effort of me pushing off and him pulling I am out of the water. Looking down at my leg it is bleeding too, and I am so relieved to be out of the water. I am alive - The shark isn't getting me today. It then occurs to me that James is not near.

James has been happily snorkeling through this entire episode, having no idea his loving wife just left him in the newly chummed ocean. I have to be honest in all the time I was swimming like crazy to the boat; James never even entered my head. But now there he was the only one left in the water, and finally he looked up to discover that everyone else was no longer snorkeling. He tells me now – He thought “Really? What the Hell? I just got here!” – He had finally arrived at the buoy.  And although I maintain that I was motioning dramatically for him to swim back to the boat. It’s his story that he just thought it was time to for the excursion to end. So as fast as he could he swam back over to the boat. When he was finally also back in the boat safe and sound – He finally realized that his wife was bleeding and he then formulated – That the entire adventure was just a way for me to cash in on his life insurance policy ;)

Although I was scrapped up, James really had used all of his energy fighting the currents and making it back to the boat – So I drove us back to the marina, and the weather by this time had calmed significantly so the drive back was a relative breeze. We docked the boat and went to turn in our gear, at which time we were presented with our souvenir photo which make us both laugh when we see it and medical treatment which consisted of iodine – Ouch!!

I win sharks – I win!