This is going to sound like a confession to some, it isn’t a
confession – It is the truth , in all its unflattering glory.
It is incredibly difficult to be my child. Well Jackson
would not share that assessment, but Keaton and Kennedy – and even Jorri would
say - being my child is probably harder than most anything else in their lives.
I demand perfection. I watch movies like – The Devil wears Prada – and I am the
devil. I have no tolerance for anything less than perfect. My version of
perfect. What’s worse – I don’t have the patience to explain what perfect is to
my children, they simply must divine it, out from the clues that they should be
picking up, as they watch me sprint through my life.
It’s Kennedy’s birthday today. She turns 18. She is no
longer my baby, and frankly has not been for a very long time. For she had the
misfortune of being born in a time in my life where I did not like children – I
still don’t - unless you are
particularly pretty, or smart, or have some amazing talent or amusing trait.
When she was born I could not wait for her to grow up, so I could deal with
her. And so grow up she did. She has probably been 18 since she was 8 years
old. That was the year I decided we were done with toys, so I boxed them all up
– never to be seen again. I know – I look back at that and think – how
dreadful.
Kennedy was the most beautiful baby in the world. Truly –
people would say – “I want to hold the pretty baby” but her temper was mine.
When mothers say to their daughters “I hope you get a child just like you” –
well it worked, at least at first – I could not even take her out to grocery
shop without her throwing a fit and attempting to kill strangers who tried to
sooth the miserable child. Keaton to this day has a scare on his hand he got
from Kennedy when she was a baby. I would call my mother and cry and say “I
think this baby needs an exorcism”. My mother knew and understood – and would
try to console me with kind words of “It won’t always be this way” We used to
put her to bed at 6:00 in the afternoon. Our neighbors would say – Where is the
daughter you lock in the basement ?(her room was in the basement) They were joking – it wasn’t a joke – she was
in the basement – to give her mother a reprieve until tomorrow.
But then when Kennedy was about 4 years old – there was a
miracle that occurred – She had what my mother and I like to describe as a
personality transplant. She became a very sweet and loving girl. It literally
happened overnight – it took awhile for us to trust it was even happening - we held our collective breath, until one
day, we began to trust it. It is this Kennedy who toughed it out being my
child. Being my child means you deal with being told the absolute brutal truth
all the time. Which means, I don’t tell you what a great job you did at
dancing, if you really can’t dance, or what a fantastic soccer player you are,
if you can’t play soccer – there is no positive reinforcement for something you
did not do well. It should be said for the record – James is the absolute
opposite of me – He never fails to find the positive – I fail all the time.
Kennedy is amazing in spite of having me as a mother.
Kennedy is willing to try and fail, and try again. She is the girl who sits by
the kid at lunch that doesn’t have anyone to sit by. She is the one who notices
pain in others and tries to ease it. She is the confidant and counselor of
many. She is a warrior for right, not the religious, dogma created right, the
right of “What is the right thing to do right now?” Right! She is Brave
with a capital “B” – She talks to strangers, she asks for what she wants, She
walks on Fire!!
She is smart, the kind of smart that comes with really
earning it, the kind that overcomes dyslexia to take harder classes, to pass AP
exams at a higher level, to debate both sides of an issue – and win. She is the
kind of smart that is published. She is the kind of smart that sees her future
and makes decisions to support her goals. She is smart enough to see her
potential and work it. She is everything I could have been at her age, and
wasn’t.
Kennedy is charitable, she has a heart the size of Texas –
She can’t stand for someone to have their heart broken, or their dreams
unfulfilled. She will plead the case, ask for the donation, go out on the limb,
because she knows she has everything – and can give, and serve and inspire – so
she does. She visits, and laughs, and teaches.
Kennedy is funny, laugh your guts out funny. She will talk
in accents, tell a story, walk us through – hit the punch line. She is goofy
and willing to laugh at herself. She has phrases, and facial expressions, she
will do the embarrassing thing, and laugh when she screws up.
She is without a doubt the best sister ever!! She will lug
the equipment, sit in the stands, run to the store for team treats, cheer her
head off, care about every player, pick up, drop off, console, celebrate, and
support every single sport that Jackson plays. She also helps with homework,
and explains the problem, She is the “life
support team” for Keaton – who may need something shipped, or to be driven or
to be picked up – not only that, she worships her brothers, who she would
defend to the death if needed.
She is the type of granddaughter that will drop what she is
doing to go help with a Party, or gardening, or a technology issue – She is
interested and curious about everything. She adores her grandparents, she is
their buddy, their go to gal, their – let’s bring Kennedy along – they enjoy
her too. She takes care of their feelings and praises them, and thanks them in
just the right moments. She is grateful to be their grand daughter – They ground
her to who she is, she is theirs!
But most of all – She is my daughter! An extension of my
soul, my best reflection. I was laying
in bed this morning pondering this day – This day she came to me – The gift of
her – The luck I had at getting the best daughter, the one I would choose
again, and again, and again. And my
heart broke – because she is no longer mine – All done, all perfect!
I love You Kennedy – I am so excited for the rest of your
life to begin – It will be Amazing, because you are Amazing, and that is what
happens to Amazing People like You!!
-
Love ,Mom
