Bliss on a Budget - Week #7

Giving Bliss

I am a giver - I know that sounds a little full of myself - but none the less, it is true - I am a giver. I think that I am a giver because I remember not having and how scary it can be to not have - I hate the feeling of not having enough. Now when I say enough, I mean enough money to keep the lights turned on or food to eat, etc. I have definitely been there.

When I was married to my first husband we lived on 30.00 a week for food. This was in 1991 and it was us and Keaton we were feeding on 30.00 a week - so as you can imagine we had some creativity when it came to making due - the first year of that marriage I would go down to my parents house for Sunday dinner- often on fumes and load up with canned products from their cupboards, and from their version of food storage - which is compared to the Johnson clan is pitiful. They never said a word - I am sure they noticed the cans of corn or soup go missing - but I was too proud and embarrassed to ask. I had made my bed - I was going to lie in it if it killed me. We were so poor that we could not afford a telephone (this was before everyone and their dog had a cell phone) and so I was stuck making collect calls at the pay phone by the corner of the apartment whose rent I could barely afford.I am sure we qualified for food stamps or something - but again - no dice - I was not going to do that.

Once again - I have to give credit where credit is due. I grew up in a family that seemed to have everything. This based on two things; First my father had a job that always supplied him with a new car, and a travel budget - so we could travel along on my fathers recruiting trips while also earning points to travel some more (I am a second generation Delta, Marriott, and Hertz member :) ) and also due in large part to my mother who could budget like no ones business. She had these little 3X5 cards that she would put the budget's on for the month - you know like food with $X amount of dollars and when the food budget was gone the food budget was gone - same with clothes, utilities etc. If it wasn't in the budget - we were generally not going to get it. She was also an excellent saver and a great balance to my father who, like me, is a spender. For those of you with a movie musical background - think Barbara Streisand as Dolly Levi - in Hello Dolly - This is me, in various ways.

Back to my giving ways - Since that time of meager beginnings - I have worked hard and put myself in a position that for the most part my worries relative to money are silly compared to many of the people in my life. I really am completely blessed - and I also have a very interesting relationship with money -knock on wood this doesn't jinx me - but I simply believe that whatever I am going to need is going to be there. This is not to be confused with just planning on the government, my family, or the universe to take care of me - It's just I know I am capable of making money - so when I need to make some money - I do.

Now Christmas is a particularly difficult time for me. This again goes back to my parents (sorry guys I don't mean to throw you under the bus) But when I was younger and when I say younger I mean I had a visit from Santa every year until I got married at 20. And Santa treated me very well. I had picture perfect Christmas's - with pajamas on Christmas eve (our one gift we were allowed to open - often made by my mother) and a morning of delight with nicely laid out piles of presents one for me, and one for Emily - and for the most part Santa got those presents just right - Often they would have presents we didn't even know we needed. The house would smell of wassail, and the lights would glow and we would take our time opening each gift and delighting in what each of had been given by the other folks who had sent presents our way. There would be a fire in the fireplace that my father would make sure and dispose of the wrapping paper - and that morning there would be no fighting, no crying, just peace and love. It breaks my heart that isn't how Christmas is for absolutely everyone on the planet.

Anyway - so I am giver, not just on Christmas but most of the time - because in some small way - there but for the grace of God go I - and you can't take it with you - and frankly when I give - even though it ends up making the person I am giving to happy or relieved or whatever - it truly makes me about 10 times happier then it makes them. So with all that said let me tell you what your assignment is this week regarding the bliss of giving.

You need to find 3 people and give them something - and here is the catch - it doesn't have to cost you anything. Maybe it's a compliment. I know when I give them out - they are so heartfelt and authentic that people really enjoy them (I think this is also because I tend to be hyper critical and set standards that are crazy high and unattainable) Maybe it is forgiveness - this is huge, I also have hard time with this - because when you have crossed me - it is next to impossible to get back in my light - but recently I gave forgiveness to someone (who probably had no idea they even needed it) but I felt 100% better. Maybe you sit next to someone in the lunch room or break room that doesn't have any friends and spend the 1/2 hour talking about them - Kennedy does a wonderful job at this - finding the misfit and fitting them. Maybe it is a love letter to your honey, your mother, your father you child telling them how great they are. Maybe like the mayor I am married to - you stop and pick up the hitchhiker - pull the car out of the snow - listen to the down on your luck story. But do your best to give this week, and see if you don't feel the bliss - This one comes with a money back guarantee!

Things that Matter #3 - Friendship Matters

I know I haven't written for 2 weeks but with the holidays, work, and blah, blah, blah - the truth is I am very busy and important ;) - anyway I just spent the weekend in Saint George with my mans softball team and I thought it might be time to write a little bit about friendship.

I am one of those people who doesn't have a lot of friends - this always amazes the people who think they know me because for heavens sakes Jenn - you're in sales - of course you have a lot of friends. Well I guess I should start by defining friendship - My friends are the people I can totally be myself with, who understand all my weirdness and instead of judging me or trying to fix me, really just get a kick out of me - and believe me - I pretend I am easy breezy, but I am a control freak! They are the people who I may have talked to yesterday or maybe 5 years ago - and it's like no time has passed. They live in Utah and various states around the country - and our connections are deep and immediate. They know what I am thinking before I have chance to think it, and I know the same for them - and when we get together we have an absolutely delightful time being in our strangeness. Intimacy defines our friendships - We "get" each other!

I am also one of those girls who doesn't have a lot of friendships with other girls - The reason for this is I don't like to get together to complain about and/or worship my husband. I don't scrapbook, swap recipes, exercise in groups, diet in groups - feel the need to shop together, play bunco, attend movies such as the Twilight series, Sex in the City or Mama Mia - I don't throw parties that are an excuse to sell things to my friends - I am in general not very interested in all things girl - I am however very interested in most things boy - So I find I have more male friends then female friends.

I am married to a man I like to call "the mayor" - and he has quite literally 100's of friends - So many in fact that regardless of where we go or what we are doing - we will see tons of people he knows - he often times can't recall at the moment who they are - he does know he knows them and they talk like no time has past - while I sit there and look interested and not embarrassed that I haven't been introduced. James is the kind of man who when he is friends he is friends and there is almost nothing he wouldn't do for his friends - He has been helped beyond measure at low points of his life and in his mind he has a moral duty to be that friend forever!

Over the last 2 weeks I have had 3 very intense friend experiences. First, one of my oldest and dearest friends came to stay with me over the Thanksgiving holiday. He is the closest thing in the world I have to a brother. When we are together we fall into step like peanut butter and jelly. It can be intimidating for others in our lives because we are that in sync. It is so lovely and therapeutic for me, and I often travel to his house to take a break from my real life and gain sanctuary from my troubles. He feeds my soul - and it was lovely to have a chance to return the favor. I love him from the tips of my toes, and now my children love him too, and my man is thrilled that I have that friendship in my life.

The second came when I went to Boise this past week to speak at a conference. I have a girlfriend there who I have known for 25 years - She and I haven't spoken in a year - and all I did was call her, and with that we were deep in conversation, analysis laughing - have our fix of being heard and hearing each other as well. She is deep in the fight/battle/ divorce - but for the night she could tell me "how it was" and I was able to really hear and feel her - and maybe even give her some comic relief. We left with a hug, and I call you later - which may be 6 months or 6 years from now - but we get it - no worries.

The final tale comes from my new adopted "kids" of Dirthouse. Oh my goodness I love them so much I can hardly stand it. They are new friends - and came by way of the mayor. When James and I got together 4+ years ago he told me 2 things when we became serious. 1 - he goes hunting every year for a week - so don't think that is going to change. 2- He plays softball on a some coed teams and that will take 2-3 nights a week - so be prepared for that. I could get my head around the first one - but the 2nd one I had no idea what that meant. I found out soon enough.

My first experience with softball came on the heels (literally) of working in Park City for the day. I came straight from work and was dressed in a black pin stripped pencil shirt, micro fishnets, 4 and 1/2 heels a creme sleeveless blouse with a large black pashmina, and big black Jackie-O sunglasses. I remember walking up to the ball field, feeling very uncomfortable, searching for James and hoping not to get into a situation I would have to get out of quickly - because in these shoes and skirt I was not moving fast. It was April - and spring ball had just started for the year, there was a coolness in the air, and the voices of friends finding each other after a few months off. Softball is a sub-culture that I knew nothing about - but they are a tight nit family regardless of the team - and the first week of softball is kind of like a family Reunion. I remember distinctly watching the woman softball players eyeing me, and giving each other looks like "check out this girl - what on earth is she wearing" - James was almost embarrassed because I was so over dressed and fancy - and he really wanted these same girls, this extended family, to like me.

I sat there during that first game watching James pitching, cheering when I thought it was appropriate - asking questions of the people who seemed friendly to figure out the rules, and generally just making it through - but that was just the first day - there have been 100's of games since then and now I am an old pro at the softball circuit. Cut to this last weekend when "Dirthouse" competing in the toys for tots tournament. We ended up coming in 2nd out of 84 teams - which is a slight miracle because of the start we had -but the important part was I got to the spend the weekend with my friends. These people are not just friends they are family - they stay with me when I act like a princess requesting my goat cheese on my pizzas, and staying at my hotel. They are okay when I scream my guts out at the ref or say weird things to the other team to get in their heads and make them swing at pitches they have no business swinging at. They tease me, and take care of me and indulge me when I try to run their love lives and give them job and life advise. They laugh at me and my pashmina, glasses, and my east side mentality - and they make me feel proud to be their friend. I know if anything happened they would have my back and I would have theirs.

I have a saying I live by "Like energy attracts like energy" and these friends are my like energy - they are my family, and when I am with them I feel like home. During this holiday season - thank you my dear friends for being in my life!!