To Nastia with Love

Dear Nastia,

My name is Jennifer Powers-Johnson. I am the reason you are in America. It is my fault. Your American parents Mike and Debbie were just going about the business of living their lives when I reached in and changed that. Here is my story. It is actually a story about you, although none of us knew that when it started.

The first time I meet your sister Olena, do you want to know what she was doing? She was frowning and upset. She was sitting all by herself on the deck of a swimming pool. She was the only person at the pool who was not swimming. Not having fun!! Lots of people had gone over to her and in two languages tried to see if they could help her mood. But she was not having it! She was completely determined to be upset. To be alone. I bet you don't believe me. I bet you think she is a sellout. You would be right!! She has sold out!

But when I met her she was still very much committed to your cause. The "angry, protect my heart, don't try and fool me" cause. You need to know that Ukrainian kids love me. They think I am awesome!! I try and figure out what their dreams are, and then make them come true. I am like the Fairy God-Mother in Cinderella. So I went over to Olena and tried to make her happy. I tried to give her a way to still be angry and suspicious while also giving herself the gift of the cool water of the pool and swimming on a very hot summer day. I failed. She was determined to be angry. She would not go swimming, she would be hot and angry. I wonder now if she wishes she had chosen swimming? So for the moment I gave up.

I know you will think this is crazy but here, in America, we get really concerned when kids are unhappy. We have no idea how to deal with it. It makes us very uncomfortable. In America we also believe that if you are under the age of 18 your whole job in life is to just be happy and carefree - Happy, Carefree, Can you imagine - Crazy!! So when Olena chose to not enjoy the gift of a fun day of swimming, I started to worry - how would I help this girl?

A few days later I met Olena again. She seemed almost worse than before. She was starting to feel hopeless and depressed. She didn't want to live her life anymore. Can you believe that?  I know she seems way more happy and sold out now. But then, She and you had some of the same feelings. That day I again tried to act like her Fairy God-Mother and despite her uneasiness, and suspicion she went along. With Zhenya acting as interpreter I was able to talk to her, and guess who she told me about that day? You, she told me about you!!

She told me she missed you very much. That you had been sent to another orphanage to live. That she hadn't seen in you several years. She was very worried she would not get to see you again. She loves you so much!! Let's take a moment to appreciate that. Your sister was on a trip to America and out on a shopping day with me, and what she is talking about is you. Not leaving you behind. She was also very concerned that we would break her heart. She had been on a trip before to America - California that time. And guess what? No one in California had chosen her. She was heart broken.

What she didn't know, what she had no way of knowing was she was not meant for anyone in California. In fact, she was meant to meet me. Now, I don't have a lot of money, I don't know a bunch of important people, I don't have a ton of resources but what I can do is write. And so you know what I did? I wrote a blog about Olena. And you know what happened with that blog? It was read by 200 people on the first day. When they read it they had a feeling in their hearts (maybe that feeling was God) that they needed to send it to the people they knew, and so people I don't even know started sending my blog all over the country, and the world. Can you believe it!! Your life was about to change just like Cinderella because some strange lady in America wrote a blog about your sister.

Somehow your American Mother Debbie read that blog. I have no idea how that happened. And she convinced your American dad Mike to host your sister for a week. And I am sure you know what happened then, right? They had a feeling in their hearts (maybe that feeling was God) that Olena was meant for them. They had no idea what the story was with you, because the Ukrainian government and the orphanage did not tell them. But they believed that feeling in their hearts, and they knew only good things happen when you follow your heart. So they worked very, very hard and they made preparations to go to Ukraine. In Ukraine they had the chance to meet you! You!!  Wonderful, difficult, amazing, you!! And once again their hearts spoke to them (maybe that voice was God) and they knew they must get you!!!

Here is where your life is about to change. You, I imagine were going about the business of living your life in an orphanage in Ukraine. You were fairly safe, and fed, you had a boyfriend? And you thought you had a handle, at least for the moment, on how life would go. Maybe you had made plans? Get a job? Get married? Have babies and love them forever!! Maybe you didn't have a plan...but never in a million years did you think a couple from America, with 4 kids already,would show up and pick you up out of the blue. Never!!

This couple acted like no other people you had ever met in your life. They kept telling you they loved you. Loved you? How could that be? They didn't know you!! Crazy right!! There must be a catch? A hidden agenda? I am going to tell you what the secret is - they had a feeling in their hearts (maybe that feeling was God) They were people who had spent there whole lives following feelings in their hearts. So, I must apologize, you being here is my fault. Because I follow feelings in my heart too (maybe those feelings are God)

Now you have reacted in what is a most logical way.  Anger, frustration, confusion, sadness, refusing to eat and silence. I get it, I totally get it. It must feel from day to day that you have been kidnapped. Olena is no help at all, she has sold out. Embraced the new family, the new language, the new country and friends. Olena selling out makes your struggle even harder. She is making you look bad. And so desperate times call for desperate measures, and you are using all the tools in your arsenal to regain some control over your life. Refusing to eat is the most powerful tool you have. But here is the problem with that tool. It has only worked to put you in a situation you like less - the hospital.

The hospital is hopefully teaching you how to use other tools. But I want to introduce you to the most powerful tools I have. The first is called the Power of "And" - let me tell you how this "And"tool works:

I can love my family in Ukraine "And"my American Family.
I can feel sad that I am no longer living in Ukraine "And"I can enjoy all the wonderful things America has to Offer.
I can love my native language "And"do hard things like learning English.
I can be so irritated by my new siblings "And" be open to loving them anyway

For some reason you kids from Ukraine have never heard of this tool "And" - in Ukraine it seems to be just "Or" - but good news - in America we have "And" and because you live here, you get to use it too!!!  Whenever you start to feel sad, angry or frustrated - please, beautiful girl, please!! Start looking for the "And"

The next tool I want to give you is recognizing "Wilbur" - Up until now "Wilbur" has served you well. His whole job has been to alert you when something potentially dangerous is about to happen to your heart. He is the voice in the back of your head that says "They don't love you, how could they, they are trying to trick you" it's his voice you hear when you go to school and you feel all alone and you have no idea what is happening.  He says things like "this is too hard, you will never understand this, you aren't smart enough" - poor "Wilbur" doesn't know about your heart. Or the hearts of the people who love you. So when he whispers his warnings in your ear, you need to be super strong and say to him inside - "Thanks Wilbur, I got it from here." And instead you need to put you hand on your heart and listen. This will not be easy, because you have been believing "Wilbur" for so long you will forget and listen but try beautiful girl, try!!

Lastly I  want you to consider this....Why did I meet Olena? Why did I feel compelled in my heart to write about her? Why did people read my blog and send it all around the world? Why did Mike and Debbie read it? Why did they open their home to Olena? Why did they follow their hearts and come to Ukraine? Why did they find you? Perhaps, sweet girl it was God? Perhaps this was your destiny? Perhaps your job is just to do the best you can and choose the next right thing? Because perhaps, there is someone else's life you were meant to change as well.

It is my fault you are here beautiful. So be mad at me, be silent with me. I must admit I am not sorry, I followed the feelings in my heart (maybe those feelings were God)

I love you (yes, I actually do)

Jenn