Sunday, September 9, 2012

10 Reasons I Hate Orphans –

1-     They are incredibly difficult to sell. I mean it – Really hard!! People love babies – they will buy babies until the cows come home, - but Orphans, they want to test drive them, and kick the tires, they want discounts, and warranties. It is really hard to move an Orphan – and when I look at the stock of orphans, there are always more waiting to be sold. You never feel like you are on top of it with Orphans.
2-     They make your real children look bad. That’s right! You thought you were perfectly happy with your own kids – You know, the ones with all the advantages, and privileges – the ones you made from scratch – but then the orphans show up, and they act like everything you do is so wonderful,  and they are grateful for every little thing – and they clean up after themselves and want to just spend time with you – and suddenly your children look quite dreadful – with their complaining and whining – and not appreciating all you do for them.

3-     Orphans make it really hard to believe that your problems are real problems – It’s terrible – you have a bad day because you got stuck in traffic or someone cut you off at the grocery store line, or maybe you can’t go out to dinner because money is tight – And then the Orphans show up, and they have never been to a grocery store – and their idea of gourmet food is having a hamburger – and they eat ½ of their food – and save the rest for later, or their friend who may not have any food. It’s dreadful – it puts your whole life into perspective – and makes you look petty and small.

4-     Orphans make you question your spending priorities – no really they do – That morning cup of gourmet coffee, or the new pair of cute shoes you just had to have, just seem silly compared to saving a life – It is horrible – You come home to your closet full of clothes and you look at the 10 black shirts you have – and you start to think – “oh no, I may have wasted a ton of money – that could have gone to save a life” This is one of the worst ones – because it makes you worry that you may not be a good person.
5-     Orphans make you question your friendships – It’s crazy – You thought you had a ton of friends that would always be there for you through thick and thin – and if you were to go through a divorce, or get in a car accident – they probably would be – but just start talking about orphans – and good gravy you find out what the hearts of the people around you are made of – and in some cases – you may find out your friends are not worth having.  

6-    Orphans are exhausting - Orphans make you talk to all sorts of people that you have never met before – and what is worse – you find yourselve having really intimate and authentic conversations with these new people – It is absolutely exhausting  being so vulerable and real all the time – and then those people say things to you like “Oh, Jennifer – you are doing so much” – This makes you feel even more tired because you know about  the 10 black shirts and the expensive haircuts.

7-     Orphans are expensive – I mean really expensive. You would think that they would be free or cost less than regular children – but no, orphans have processes, and paperwork, red tape up one side and down the other – To get the orphans you have to travel to countries that aren’t known for their sunny beaches, or site seeing desitinations, that require you to stay in those countries for who knows how long – and that can cost a fortune – and even worse be fraught with the unknown.

8-     Orphans have terrible teeth – It’s true, they are just terrible, full of cavities, and crooked – sometimes they are stained brown by cigarette smoke (because cigarettes make you feel less hungry) or black tea (the caffine tricks your body as well) Apparently orphans don’t get regular dental care- so if you have genes that are less than stellar in this department – Well too bad for you.

9-     Orphans are addictive – They might be up there with herion. Really they should come with a warning from the surgeon general. Something like “Warning, Orphans are dangerous to your heart, and can cause obessive thoughts of placement, and fund raising – and should be avoided at all costs”  I was blissfully unaware prior to hosting my orphans – I feel like my orphans may have just been a gate way drug.

10-  And this is the most important one – Orphans break your heart!! They do!! They get right in there and break it right open. Your heart physically aches, and no matter what you do, it will ache forever, because like I said in #1 – There are always more orphans. So you are left with a broken heart, that you go around trying to mend by doing everything you can think of to save just 1 life. And you hope, that although your efforts will never be enough, that they will make a difference.

I know that I am starting to come off as a multi-level marketeer. You know who they are in your life – because you used to be friends with them, and then they bought in to some MLM scheme that is going to save your life with vitamins or tonics – and you just need to recruit 3 of your best friends to share this opportunity with. I know, I know – I dropped my friends who do that too – because suddenly you have to explain why you don’t want to get rich quick.

But here is the deal on this one. I am not trying to get you to sign up for anything. You don’t need to tell your friends, or go to meetings. In fact most of the time – you can ignore me, or ignore my posts, and when I start blogging about something new – I promsie to let you know – but today, in this moment. I am helping people I have never met, raise money for children I don’t know – because it is the right thing to do, because my heart has been changed, because I promised, and because if I can make a difference – I have too!!

If you are looking to help in some way - message me at:

Much Love – Until next time - Jenn

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