For My Father on Father's Day - I love you Dad

I’m a daddy’s girl. I always have been. When I was a child I remember going to the beach with my father when I was 3 and 4 years old. He had the Porche, and we would strap the surf board on the car (we had some sort of custom mount) and take off for the beach, just he and I. We would drive from Campbell over the mountain into Santa Cruz, taking a special back road, that didn’t have any of those pesky state troopers so we could speed, and hug the turns, and practice our race car driving. He would always make sure to look over at me with a smile, and say something like “Hang on” or “We don’t need to tell mom, about this” When we would arrive at the cove – He would grab his board, and head out to surf for several hours, while I would play on the beach, make friends with strangers, and happily build sand castles and swim with my new friends. (I know, that sounds slightly dangerous, but it was a completely different time then, and I was a very precocious child – so I assume, they thought if someone kidnapped me, they would return me straight away) After the good waves were done for the day, we would hop back in the Porche, and make our way to the candy shop where there were wonderful white chocolate drops, or the grocery store, that always had grape or orange soda, and then a sun kissed and sleepy drive home over the mountain.

At this same age- my mother must have been busy with church work, or taking a class at the local college, but there was at least one night a week, were dad and I were left on our own. This night was my favorite – I was definitely going to stay up and extra hour or so, and get to sit by my father and watch Rockford files, and then when he did put me to bed, he would get out his guitar and sing me to sleep. Song’s from Peter, Paul, and Mary, The Kingston Trio, or John Denver, taught me about Tom Dooley, The MTA, and my most favorite Leaving on a Jet plane. I love acoustic guitar because of my father, and feel like my heart is going to burst wide open every time I hear him play, especially when Keaton joins him as well.

My father……

- Is Cooler then Fonzie and Stronger then Superman.
- Tells wonderful and engaging stories
- Always took me on daddy daughter trips for my birthday
- Bought me the Xanadu soundtrack for my 12th birthday
- Taught me to sail, and always acted like he could not do it without me.
- Filled my car with gas, washed it, pre-set my stations to the cool ones, came and saved me when it broke down, and always let me go ahead and take his car where I needed to go.
- Taught me about rewards programs, I am a second generation Delta, Hertz and Marriott girl.
- Is handsome, my girlfriends in high school used to say – “no offense Jenn, but I would totally date your dad, he’s hot!”
- Brags about me, to anyone who will listen, it always makes me smile and fills my heart when I hear other people talk about the lovely things my father says.
- Is always up for an adventure.
- Is comfortable in any setting
- Makes friends instantly
- Loves food, and will tell you about a trip simply by describing the incredible restaurants, and amazing meals he ate.
- Had an infectious smile and a laugh that draws you in
- Loves my mother, and treats her with complete respect, and is her best friend
- Is a wonderful grandfather, and has captured the hearts of my children
- Is fun!!
- Moved me to Florida across the country, and walked my down the isle – Twice!!
- Loves my children, and they feel it all the way to their toes.
- Takes Keaton on a special trip to the car show in Carmel every year – it is a special thing they have done for years.
- Always has a sports car, and lets me take it when I need to make an impression.
- Is completely loved and respected by my husband
- Is a wonderful father
- Is my hero!

Having a baby as a single woman at 20 years old is scary, incredibly scary. I had been acting brave, and shrugging off the doubts of all that knew me for my whole pregnancy. But when the moment arrived the whole, ”I am really going to have this baby”, nearly made me want to turn around and go home – as if, if I could just get out of the hospital, the pain would stop, and we could forget this whole thing. Keaton was a very large baby weighing in at 9 pounds, 2 ounces. I, having never been through this experience, thought that this was normal. He also had a good sized head but massive shoulders. After 2 and ½ hours of pushing, no pain meds, and the help of forceps I had finally managed to get his head out, but then the really frightening part happened. I could not get his shoulders out to save my life. Everything got a little tense then. My mother, who had been by my side helping me through, got pale and concerned and eventually had to leave the room. My nurse with furrowed brows was talking very sternly at me now, and telling me this is when it counted, my doctors barking orders and telling me to push. I was seriously starting to lose it, thinking “I should be dead by now, no really, I can’t believe I am still alive, this isn’t fair” – and then there was my dad – holding my leg, right in my face, the coach – “Jennifer (my whole name) listen to me, you can do this, concentrate”(He said this very firmly, and with urgency) and I found my way back through the fog of pain – and tried some more –my motivation was I didn’t want to disappoint my dad – I had long ago forgotten why this was happening to me, oh yes – I am dying because I am having a baby. And after what felt like forever, but was really 3-4 minutes – I finally pushed Keaton’s massive shoulders out.

And with that – Keaton made his big debut into this world. The doctor and nurses worked on him for several minutes and then placed him on chest. We just looked at each other maybe for 30 seconds – and then he was whisked off my chest, and handed to my father – It was a bond that was immediate, and lasting – and in that moment he not was just my dad, he was the proud grandfather of a strapping baby boy. That strapping boy is all grown up now, getting married, and the most wonderful thing is happening – My dad is going to marry Keaton and Kirsten, on the beach, and the circle of love continues.

I love you dad, I love you all the way around the world and back. You are the reason, I am brave, and will try new things, you are the best father that any kid could ever want, and I feel incredibly lucky that of all the dads in the world – I won the lottery, and I got you!!!! Happy Father’s Day!!

The News

Why does news always start with a phone call? It doesn’t seem to matter if it’s good or bad – The phone is the way it is delivered. This news started with a phone call – The phone rang, I of course looked down and checked it (thank heaven for caller id) it was Keaton. I checked the time again – yes, it really was 7:30 a.m. his time – This must be something terrible (I read this and think – my goodness Jenn, you are such a pessimist) I pick up the phone and hold my breath. “Hey” I say trying to sound calm, “What’s up?” – but the chip and bite are in my tone – he hears it immediately, and to make matters worse he has news to deliver that he desperately wants me to be “okay” with – happy about it is simply beyond his ability to get his head around at this point. “Mom is this a good time, because I have something to tell you, and this conversation might take a while, so is this a good time?” Right! Like after that opener I am going to tell him that I am awfully busy and important and can he just call me back later – Of course now is a good time – I brace myself and think, well he is alive - so scratch that off the list, what’s next – did he get thrown out of the program – that seems unlikely – I mean he just got back home from his short visit here – goodness the suspense is killing me (all .001 seconds of it) and as he begins to speak, I know the answer already – cut to the previous Friday

Keaton was in town for a whopping 5 days. On “leave” from his language program – we were so excited and waited with anticipation at the airport when he landed at 10 p.m. Jackson already up 30 minutes past his bedtime, and jockeying with Tim for position on who would get to hug Keaton first! – Tim and Patcee had made the hour long trek to the airport this late because, after all, it was Keaton!! Finally he walked guitar in hand, through the security corridor, only to be met by Jackson who nearly knocked him down with the force of his hug. Jackson beamed, his big brother was home! Although we had all eaten at the regular dinner hour – we immediately adjourned to the local Denny’s to giggle and laugh, catch up, and soak him in. He was wearing Army issue glasses, “that will simply not due”, we thought (well me, Patcee and Tim – thought – mental note: fix that first thing in the morning) but he was thinner, and buffer and seemed very happy – so we were happy and the evening went well past all of our bedtimes – but we didn’t care – Keaton’s Home!!! When we finally made it back to the house – I had to promise Jackson that “yes – Keaton will be here in the morning” before I could convince him to close his eyes and go to sleep, morning would come very quickly for that boy.

But I digress – back to the Friday prior. We were at a movie – well Keaton, Kennedy, James and I were - the long awaited premier of a movie that we hoped to laugh a lot at. I was taking a trip to the bathroom (precautionary really) and as I rounded the corner back to the theater, there was Keaton, his back to me, on his cell phone, leaving someone a message. I mistakenly thought for a moment he must be making plans for after the movie with his friends, but then I caught his tone, and it was not a friend tone, it had intimacy in it, love and want, with a definite “missing you” mixed in - this was different, this was his girl, he had just started to leave the message and I could hear in his words what had not been discussed with me, Keaton was in love. As I continued to walk to the theater I passed by him and feigned interest in something ahead of me, he turned to see me walk past him, and lowered his voice – this message was just for her. I knew in that moment that I had lost my boy. I was definitely never going to be the woman in his life again.

I was able to push that thought back out of my head for the movie – and we did laugh, and laugh some more – but when he had left for the evening with his friends, the thought came back, and I had a chance to kind of walk around in it in my head. Keaton was gone, oh sure he would always love me, but the thing that we all hope for, for our children, had happened – he was in love – and his heart now belonged to her. Until that happens you can’t really know what a mix of sadness and joy takes place. I was sad because Keaton had been not only my son, but one of my best friends in the world. We had been through thick (really thick, and even thicker) and thin together. But I felt overwhelming joy because love is the end game, it is all there is really, finding, sharing in and having love – the rest really is just noise.

And so that night I decided that prior to Keaton going back to California I need to talk to him, and let him know it was “okay” – not that he needed my permission – but as connected as Keaton and I are – I wanted to make sure I was never the person in the way of what he wanted in life. That morning, before he needed to go to the airport, I walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen where he and James were eating breakfast. From the safety of behind the countertop I looked at him and said – “I need to tell you something” – big tears immediately filled my eyes, and I took a moment to steady my voice in vain – Keaton looked at me choking back his own tears – he didn’t even know what I was going to say – but whenever I get teary, he gets teary – and then I said it – “I know that you’re in love, and I want you to know, it’s okay!” tears were now streaming down my face “I am sure that if you love her, I will love her, because after all, like energy attracts like energy, and so she is probably as wonderful as you” – Keaton looked at me, a mixture of relief and concern for my heart on his face – Stood up, walked over to me, and wrapped him huge arms around me, while I blubbered into his shoulder –“Mom, you know I will love you forever – it will be okay” I answered “Shut up – I’m serious” while James looked over from the kitchen table trying to act like this very private moment between a mother and her son wasn’t going on in the same room as him, burying his face in his computer, and give warning looks at Jackson – like “stay out of this – this is bigger than you and I”

And so when Keaton began to speak and I heard the next words come out of his mouth – I did think – Holy Moly – that was fast, but I wasn’t completely surprised – “Mom, June and I are getting married” (her name isn’t actually June – It’s Kirsten – but that is for another day) he was talking quickly now, trying to get it all out and over to me, like ripping off a band aid, “And we are doing it at the end of June and I would really like it like it if you would come” – There it was, Keaton is getting married – Are you happy for me mom? There was so much hope in his voice – “Yes Keaton I am happy for you” – of course there was negotiating at this point for time – how does one get married in 30 days – but they aren’t looking for a big wedding with 3000 of their closest friends – they just want to start their lives together. Now!! – there is the urgency of Now, when you are in the Army.

And so I am pleased to announce that we are getting another daughter – Kirsten June –She is amazing, smart, beautiful, talented and best of all loves Keaton and makes him incredibly happy. Of, course – we all have our fingers crossed that she will love and adore us as well. My whole goal in life is to just be a great mother-in-law, and do my best not to meddle, take over, or control things (completely counter-intuitive – I know) The Good News is Keaton and Kirsten are getting married!! To a future of love and happily ever after!!